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THE RETURN OF ULYSSES--A MODERN VERSION
By Jack London (December 1898)
Scene --a club lounging room.
George (Just back from Klondike) Jack (invalided from Manila)
Harry (who stayed at home)
(Enter George and Harry by opposite doors)
Harry (with hearty surprise)
By Jove! It's George, this is a joy!
George (as they grip hands)
How goes it any way, old boy?
You're looking well--how wags the town?"
And you? It's time you've settled down?
Harry
I have, old man; no more abroad,
The wee sma' hours --
George
Say, how is Maud?
You know, Miss Smith, that slim brunette -
Remember on the parapet
How she and I made poor Jack sweat?
Yes, yes, I know it was a sin,
But then I had my doubts of him
She liked me best, as you'll allow,
Better than all the rest. And now -
Well, I shall try my luck to-night
Pay her a call; if all goes right
You'll be best man - there, there, don't scold,
I know you will do that for --
Harry
Hold!
You do not understand; let me
Explain. You see -- I -- that is -- we --
(Enter Jack, who pounces upon them effusively. All shake
hands and clap each other on the shoulder.)
Jack
How's Klondike, George? Let's heft your sack;
Of dust I hope you have no lack;
And Harry, here, who will not roam,
Our gorgeous, glorious stay-at-home -
How fares the world with you? Hast yet
A wife unto your hearth to fret
You to an early grave? But come,
The news, -- (steward, your jolliest mumm)--
Who's born? who's dead? who's crossed the line?
The married? the divorced? -- in fine,
The news, 0 man, the news. And say,
Er--Maud, Miss Smith, the little fay,
How is she? Is her name the same
As when I left?
George
Another flame!
Hal Ha!
Jack
What! You! 0, I forgot;
It's "I love you,
I love you not" -
A merry game for us to play,
In which, I wage, she'll say you nay.
Why you may have unmeasured gold,
But now-a-days, the soldier bold,
The hero of the camp and field,
Is all the rage; beneath his shield
Stalks Love, triumphant, and the fair
Can rest none other place than there,
Yes, they'll be wild over my scars,
Wild over me, just from the wars,
While you, who did a-mining go,
Tell me, what have you got to show?
George (mock-heroically)
Show? I? What have I got to show?
'Mid vasty wastes of Arctic snow,
Where blackness shrouds the silent world,
And death broods over all, I hurled
My challenge to the stars, unfurled
My standard and did mighty deeds.
I led a dozen wild stampedes;
I lived for months on moose-meat straight;
I froze my feet, nor did I wait
Their healing, till I froze my nose.
Aye, to great hazards I arose,
And had I proper speech to tell
My "ventures in that frozen hell,
I would your inmost soul affright
With. deeds done by the Northern Light.
(descending to the colloquial manner)
Well, here I am, and I am rich,
'Yea, in experience -- the which
Will mot advance my suit, you see.
But as for dust— between us three,
I’m broke, I haven't got a red;
And yet, I think, when all is said,
I stand as good a chance as you.
You went to war-- how did you do
In way of gold? What is your wealth?
And further, how's your state of health?
You're looking yellow -- quid pro quo,
Speak up, what: have you got to show?
Jack
No more. I did not play polo
With Northern Lights below zero –
No, but I starved on the transports,
With empty stomach stormed the forts,
Or ate poor grub in poorer camp,
Shivered and shook out in the damp,
Was shot through arm, and thigh, and breast,
And caught a cold upon my chest,
Then fever claimed me for his own,
And I was invalided home.
So, like a gory son of Mars,
I’ve nothing else to show but scars.
And George, old chap, forgive me, do,
For my most foolish words to you;
We're comrades in misfortune, now,
And to. her choice. Maud's choice, we'll bow,
And still be friends.
George (as they shake hands)
And one word more –
He who shall win the lady's door,
Shall recollect his friend forlorn,
And the proud hour of his first born
Shall see him praise and bless the same
By giving it his comrade's name.
Thus is our brotherhood begun,
And. he who wins or loses --
Jack (wildly signalling the steward)
Done!
What will --
Harry (sarcastically)
Suppose it is a girl?
Jack
That is the question of a churl –
We shall call her, and not man her,
Jacqueline or Georgiana.
George (as the steward waits their order)
Ye gods! well done! An answer meet
For the occasion -- 'tis Harry’s treat,
And treat you shall, before you go—
Besides, what have you got to show?
(Harry rises to his feet and is followed by George and Jack.
The steward returns and they raise their glasses.)
Harry,
I stayed at home; I cannot show
War's ravages, nor Klondike's woe.
I've not gained much of which to boast,
But to yourselves I drink a toast:
Here’s to Mars' son, who bravely stopped
A brace of Spanish balls - and dropped;
Here's to the son of Mammon, bold,
Wealthy in lore, if not in gold'
And. now a health to the first born—
Here's to her god-papa forlorn;
Here-'s to her dad, who blessed the same
By giving her his rival's name;
And. here's to Maud, the last of all –
Just shake the tree, she's sure to fall.
(They laughingly drink and depart together; but before they
have gone a block, who do they meet but the very Maud in question.)
Maud (most graciously, as she extends both hands to George
and Jack, while Harry drops into the background.)
What a surprise -- both George and Jack—
I did not know that you were back.
Why Jack, how brown you are, and so –
Come up this evening-- don't say no,
I’m home to you at any time,
That is if you will deign to climb –
We're living in a flat, you know.
(She indicates Harry and lovingly takes his arm.
George and Jack act as though they had a pressing engagement.)
Harry (very modestly)
And this is all I have to show.
Maud
Be sure and come --please don't forget.Harry (sotto voice)
She'll wait in vain for them, I bet.
(Exit, with Maud clinging
to his arm.)
(Jack and George fall upon each other's breast.)
Jack
Our Maud, our dainty Maud, is wed!
George
Woe! Woe! Our eldest born is dead!
(Exit, limply.)
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Copyright © 2005 by Dan Wichlan
This poem was published with the written permission of the Jack London estate.
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